How to Choose Your Friends

If you look at very successful people, more often than not, they've had help getting to where they are. You frequently see them surrounded by a circle of friends who are usually just as successful as they are. But I've often wondered, how close are they really as friends? Or, are they really friends, at all?

I've heard many people say, 'You are who your friends are' – I suppose that makes sense in a way. Most millionaires tend to have other millionaires as friends. Using an extreme example, criminals tend to hang out with other criminals. The people you associate with can definitely have an effect on where you end up in life. In a way, birds of a feather, stick together, I suppose.

So, I've been taking a look at my own situation recently and wonder if I need to branch out for my own career and financial aspirations. Maybe, I should purposely try to hang out with people who are significantly more 'successful' than I am and see what happens?

But, there's just one problem, I like to be friends with people that I like and rarely do I consider their socio-economic value to me. I'm also not good with keeping my feelings or thoughts to myself and am terrible at being phony, so if I don't like someone, I can frequently let it be unconsciously known … especially after I get a few drinks in me.

So, here lies the dilemma – befriend those people who can further my goals? What about people who can't do this … should I even waste my time?

I know it sounds Machiavellian (and I'm not really like that) but I'm just playing devil's advocate … in a busy world where time is scarce, should I focus all my time on developing relationships that will get me to where I want to be? Who says you really have to like your new-found friends as long as you can use their influence for your own needs?

As Sun-Tzu says, 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer' – it may actually be strategically advantageous to befriend people you don't really like just to keep tabs on what they're doing. This is a great way to make sure they don't stab you in the back when you least expect it!

So, after thinking about this, there appear to be 3 levels of friendships:

1.) Your real close friends – these are the people you can really count on in times of need. They may not be great connections, but they 'feed the soul', so to speak.

2.) Casual acquaintances – these aren't close friends at all, but they're good to have around because of their excellent connections and the simple fact that they're fun to have a drink with occasionally.

3.) Enemies – we all have enemies, I'm sad to say. My philosophy with these people is 'never let them see you sweat'. What I've learned is, it's easier to smile and be pleasant than to let them know how you really feel (in our work situations, for the most part.)

So, here's what I have decided – I am not giving up my close friends, even though some of them may not be great 'connections.'  I've known them for years and I want to spend time with them, even if my time is sometimes scarce. It is just too hard to find great friends.

But, I'm going to increase my level of casual acquaintances, especially those with great connections. As a bonus, some of these may even turn out to be close friends.

And finally, the enemies – time to take a second look at these people. I think I'll be keeping some of these 'a little closer'.

Who knows – maybe some of these enemies may turn out to be close friends … perhaps, I could be wrong about them?

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