On Being Poor

I grew up fairly poor in a suburb of Vancouver. We didn't have much money, although we never starved, for the most part. We also didn't have much furniture, clothing, toys or anything like that – don't get me wrong, I still feel I had a great childhood but I didn't have many of the things my friends had. All in all, I feel I've adjusted fairly well to not having very much … but not everyone reacts the same way, I find.

I think there are two ways for people to react who faced a similar situation as me:

• 1. They could distance themselves from their upbringing (and family) and do everything in their power to obliterate any remnants of their poor upbringing, or
• 2. They can simply accept and celebrate their experience for all the lessons learned, both bad and good, about not having enough money.

I'm going to talk about possibility number one, first. How do people distance themselves from being poor? In my experience, they:

• Buy expensive clothing and cars – designer names, luxury items.
• Buy nice houses in the best areas.
• Go to the 'right' restaurants.
• Hang out with the 'right' people – although from a networking standpoint, I partially agree with this.
• Or, they simply ignore the 'poor family relations.'

I used to think like the people in number one (thankfully, for only a very short time) – I thought that to be rich you had to look rich, but then something happened. I started in public practice and I began to look at the balance sheets of some of these people and realized they were in serious trouble. I also began to look at friends I grew up with, who did not live extravagant lifestyles, and they were worth considerably more … although you couldn't tell it by look at them.

The irony was, the people that looked rich, really weren't rich at all. My 'poor looking' friends were the ones, that in fact, had all the money. What a great lesson that took me years to learn! I've only really been aware of this over the past ten years.  I used to believe that part of being wealthy, was to have the trappings of success.

Now, there's nothing wrong with enjoying 'stuff'. I enjoy designer clothing and fancy cars like anyone else. I would love a Gucci messenger bag ($1,000) or a pair of Salvatore Farragamo shoes ($750) but I'm not sacrificing my time and lively hood to get them. I actually find similar styled items for much cheaper … but that's another post. I'd also like an Audi A4 or Mercedes C350, but not right now. I value my financial freedom and time with my loved ones much more.

Which brings us to possibility number 2 – accepting how I grew up. This is eventually what've I've done and I have to tell you, it feels great! I don't feel the anxiety of not wearing the best designers or keeping up with everyone around me. I feel liberated, in a way, because I think I finally 'get it', and I think many personal finance bloggers get it too. Who wants to waste their time paying bills on depreciable items that are worthless once the credit cards are paid off.

Things aren't assets – people and time are … and this is where I'll be focussing my scarce resources in the next twenty years. I want my time back before it's too late. I'm not quiet 40, so I still have a few years on my side. I think the worst thing that could happen would be to reach the age of 65, and think, why didn't I do that?

The only way to gain control of my time will be to say no to expensive crap.

I can tell you, there's one thing that's more expensive than a Rolex watch, Gucci bag, or luxury car.

Regret.

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